I will die if light touches me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
