We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
