I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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