So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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