Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
