I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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