Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
