I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
