just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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