The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
