Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
