..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
