I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
