your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
