I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize