if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
