were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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