There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
