I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
