my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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