bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
