There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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