I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
