Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
