We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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