just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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