Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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