Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
