Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
