Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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