Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
