The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
