someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
