Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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