this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize