He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
