you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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