Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
whose parrot is this?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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