last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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