It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Randomize
