Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
