8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
