She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
