We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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