I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
