so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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