I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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