she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
