tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
