Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
