Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
