my mouth tastes like poor choices
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
