this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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