She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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