I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize