I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone came in the potted fern
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
