Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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