Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
