So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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