you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
