apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize