About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ttyl tear gas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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