so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
