Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
