how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
