Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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