dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
