It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
