I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
