do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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