just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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