she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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