Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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