Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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