"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
