he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize