conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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