I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
