Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.

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(561): View more from Florida

She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation

(978): View more from Massachusetts

You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Not be drunk

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(630): View more from Illinois

Sex is always the answer.

(630): View more from Illinois

Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?

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(208): View more from Idaho

When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom

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(850): View more from Florida

i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.

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