I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize