Only a mothe r could love this liver
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
