ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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