cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
