He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
