my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
please don't ironically join a cult
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