The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
