It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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